Month: February 2011

Starting weight: 242

Current weight: 221

OH MY GOD MY JEANS ARE LOOSE!!!!

I’m so happy, teehee.  Went out today and drove.  Felt pretty good as I took the kids to the commissary in the weird ice snow we’re having here in the northwest.  We got pelted running in and was covered with little bits of ice.  Even David was like…whaaa??  Catherine helped me lug David around and I picked up a few more things I need.  Where does one get powdered milk?  I swear I’ve never seen it =x

The ride home though left me with a weird side ache, I guess from sitting waiting on Catherine to buy her Subway sandwich.  Man I wanted a bite of that so bad.  David always tries to feed me some of his spicy Italian and I had to stop myself from trying just a teeny bit of it.  I had some pudding and a protein shake instead. =/  Boy I miss eating.  The doc said I should be on solids soon, but I don’t want to rush it.  I’m afraid I’ll keep overeating because I’m bored and I really want to get used to these smaller portions and eating healthier.  Oh but I miss food =/

Starting weight:  not 237.5 but 242.

Had the drain taken out today.  Good freaking god that felt SO WEIRD.  It was like a snake uncoiling in my stomach.  Hold up, here’s how it went down.

First the Resident that came in could not have been more than 24, bless his heart.  A sweet little kid named Dr. Rios asked me a few questions, was polite to let me know it was going to be a few minutes, and was soft spoken.  Really, as a mother, *I* was proud of him.  Finally Dr. Kjorstad (Jor-stad) came in with Dr. Rios and took a look at my incisions, everything was fine.  Then he says:

“Want to pull this out?”

“What?  Whoa, him?”  I look over at Dr. Rios and touched his arm.  “Dude, really, it’s not that I don’t trust you, but there will be no learning on me today.”

“Learning is telling him how to do it and then leaving the room to let him do it.”

“Ok, there will be no “teaching” today.”

“It’ll be fine, go ahead, just let me cut the stitches.”

I covered my mouth and twisted my legs as Dr. Kjorstad (Jor-stad) cut my stitches.  I felt a distinct snag and pain.

“Oh oops, sorry about that.”

I stare up at the ceiling light and half scream behind my hands in response.

“Ok, unplug it so there’s no suction and it doesn’t try to pull anything out with it.”

I scream behind my hand again.

“Then just pull.  Go ahead.  Pull.”

Then the most incredibly odd sensation happens.

In 2001 I got my belly button pierced, laying in much the same position.  The guy caught me off guard and pierced me with a telephone pole, but really it was more shocking than anything.  Then…it was over.

THIS WAS NOT LIKE THAT.

I felt the coil of rubber piping release and it felt like a snake unraveling its tightly wound up body, slithering along what I gathered was my now tiny stomach, large and small intestine, and whatever else the good lord put up in there.  It lasted about 5 seconds, but it was enough for me to scream like an idiot behind both my hands covering my mouth.

“What…the hell…WAS THAT??” I finally scream.

“Are you ok?”

“Am I what?  What was that?  That was…oh god I’m going to throw up.”

Dr. Kjorstad (Jor-stad) laughed and said, “Are you really?”

“Blech….” I replied.

It took me a minute let the adrenaline to finish coursing through my body and dissipate, but I finally sat up with their help, got down onto the ground, and then smacked my doctor on the arm.  “Seriously, you need to warn people about that!”

In any case, I’m cleared to drive, need to dial down my insulin, and made an appt for 3 weeks out.  The sweet little Resident Dr. Rios pat me on the shoulder and happily told me to have a nice day.

Blergh.

start weight:  237.5

current weight:  221.5 (-16lbs)

Huh, 16 pounds.  Lost 3.5lbs yesterday.  Also woke up with low blood sugar, first time in a week.  It’s like my body knew it was week 2 so I had to have some significant things happen.  JP drain coming out today, started diary – well soy in my diet.  Although I do need to find powdered milk (who eats that stuff?) so I can ‘enrich’ my milk.  Wonder if breast milk would help, not that I’d do that!

On a sad note, Mike’s grandfather Pete died last night after struggling a little over a year after grandmother betsy, his wife, passed.  Congestive heart failure and his lungs just gave up.  Such a sweet man, to me and the kids.  Mike’s parents sped out of here but did not make it in time to say good bye, but I think Pete’s passing is a good thing – his quality of life was struggling to breath and complete exhaustion going to and from the hospital.  God rest his soul.

On a phat note, I’ll ask my doctor if 16lbs in one week is healthy.  I mean, they said I would definitely lose 60lbs, but I didn’t think I’d do the bulk of it in the first 4 weeks O_O .  Losing weight too fast is my problem – never thought that would happen.

Start weight:  237.5

Current weight:  225

You know when they say, “When you feel better, you’ll want to do more, but you really shouldn’t?” yet you think to yourself, I’ll be all right.  I’m just heading to the store for a few things and I’ll be right out.  I did it 2 weeks after I had a c-section to have David, right?

Jesus CHRIST, I remember now why I swore I’d never do that again.

I went to the commissary and was in there about 30 mins with Catherine, lugging the heavy stuff.  Halfway thru I’m huffin’ and puffin’, grabbing at Catherine to walk slower.  By the time I pay and get into my father’s car, I about fall into my seat and just sit there for a few moments, trying to catch my breath before I even attempt to lean out and close the door.

You feel SO great after a week so.  It is such a lie.  I also made the mistake of steam cleaning David’s bedroom.  He’s at that stage of potty training where he rips off his diaper and urinates where ever the stream hits.  I was a tiny bit winded after that, but then I took a shower and was like…whew.  On an up note, my father showed up to pick my mom back up and take her home and immediately said he saw a difference in me.  I don’t, not really – it’s only 12 pounds.  But that is 12 pounds in 6 days.

Those diets that claim you can lose 20 pounds in like 2 seconds?  I read somewhere that the first 20 pounds you lose is from all the water you’re retaining since the diet drastically changes the amount of sodium you take in, so I attribute any outward physical changes to that.  I’m not bloated.  Even my feet aren’t swelling, which is so nice.  I’m excited at how I’ll look in 6 weeks, then in 6 months, but right now I’m just anxious for my appt on Tuesday to yank out my JP drain and to eat something other than jello.

Something interesting happened while looking for the sugar free jello and pudding, though.  I asked out loud to Catherine where her grandmother had found them and a portly gentleman sitting in one of those little mechanized chairs pointed up to the top shelf.

“I have a list of specific things I need, too.  Hard to find.”

“Yeah,” I replied and thanked him.  As I passed him, I looked at his little cart in front of him and saw the list to what he was referring.  It was the same list I had.

I’m 37 years old and a good 100 pounds over my max weight.  This man was probably a good 350 pounds, round, and maybe in his 60’s.  The ages varied in my ‘pathway’ classes, but the average age was at least 50, so that put me as one of the youngest in each of my classes.  It’s just bizarre to me where those people are at in their lives – so morbidly obese, barely able to walk, and here I am diabetic and breathing like I was riddin hard and not the good way.  I should be thankful I had this done early in life, but it’s also sad that I’m even at this point at such a young age.

Current AM weight – 228

Well, I’m starting to feel a lot better.  Woke up this morning without my back feeling like it was thrown out of whack from sleeping on my back, propped up by a folded blanket.  I don’t watch the clock for when I can take my Tylenol (I really should have opted for the Oxycodin for those first 4 days, let me tell you), and I plan on going out and walking today.  Food is less on my mind and slowing down how quickly I eat my three gulps of jello is at the forefront.

I’m still reeling that 1/3 of a Jello cup makes me full.  I mean, really?  JELLO?

It’s hard to remember not to take big gulps of water, too.  I keep getting a huge mouth full of my strange concoction of water/special k protein powder/stool softener (at ease…) and I remember and I have to sit there with water in my mouth, swallowing it slowly.  Yeah that sounded weird to me, too.

What shall we talk about today though?  Oh, I know.  The subject of my “support system” keeps coming up.  Honestly, I don’t get why your family wouldn’t support you.  I mean, ok I can see a person being maybe jealous – people see the surgery as a quick trip to size 6 jeans.  I certainly do not.  This was the very last thing option for me.  I did not want to do this surgery.  At all.  I wavered on 60/40 to NOT do the surgery since I started Madigan’s Pathway which was 6 months long.  I was so undecided, I gained 10lbs while waiting. =/  But I’ve had a few friends, very few – I’d rather not advertise I’m so over weight that I need surgery – that were perplexed by the idea of me even getting it.  That was until I told them how much I actually weighed.  That is the beauty of being Brown, my friends.  Short and Brown – we carry our weight fabulously, or so I had hoped.  Even this morning I told my father (who weighs 140lbs wet and fully clothed) how much my start weight was and even he paused.

“What?  Really?”

“Yeah, Dad.  I weigh almost as much as Paul, my brother who is a beefy handsome beast who carries his weight in his arms and shoulders.

“Really?”

“Really, really, Dad.”

I had one friend offer to go with me to weight watchers which is something I think I’ll get into to maintain my smaller eating portions when I can eat.  Ultimately I decided to do the surgery as I was talking non stop for 30 mins to the psych doctor, the last part of the required ‘pathway’ for the surgery.  He was, well bald but I suppose that’s not the point, and very helpful.  He just let me talk.  You know how helpful it is sometimes to just have a sounding board?  Well mine is in South Korea, so this bald guy was plenty fine for me.  I talked about how unsure I was about actually going through the surgery.  How, damnit, I like to eat and I think I’d really miss eating.  Granted it’s only for a short time, but oh my god I LOVE EATING.  Then I progressed to talking about the kids, specifically Catherine.  Especially how she’s mimicking my eating habits.

“Huh,” I said.

“What’s that?”

“I am fairly certain I am going to go to my car and cry after this.”  I did, by the way.

“Why’s that?”

“Because my daughter eats exactly how I do.”

So, that did it for me.  The less I snack, the more she’ll see it as a good thing.  She talks about wanting to ride bikes with me when I’m skinnier and is genuinely excited for when I can walk more than 50 feet without getting winded.  She wanted this for me, so I could be there for her.

Huh.  I think I’m going to go and cry again.

current weight 228

I’ve almost lost 10lbs.  Huh.  I don’t see where it’s coming off, though.  Maybe it’s just the weight of my stomach, lord knows I could put the food away.  I have to say, it is difficult watch my mother and kids eat normal food while I sit there full after a 1/3 cup of sugar free jello.  Did I tell you what my menu has been?

Water with special K protein stuffs

beef broth

sugar free Jello in a variety of outstanding flavors

Exciting.  I know.  Around day 7/week2 I’ll be switching to full liquid diet and getting this JP drain out.  What is that?  Oh it’s super awesome.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackson-Pratt_drain  Don’t eat before looking at that, by the way.  Basically it’s a drain coming out of an incision that collects…stuff…from my insides.  That’s the best definition I could come up with, so I went with it.

Do I sound kinda grumpy?  I suppose I am.  Eating was a huge part of my life, I admit it.  I was working full time before having David in Jan 2008 so I wasn’t sitting around, watching tv with David or on the computer all day.  Snacking all day and into the late evening.  My biggest meal of the day was definitely dinner and it was usually whatever I liked and was relatively healthy for the kids.  David still eats more vegetables than any adult I know, but I was watching my 11 year old daughter’s snacking habits mimic mine.  You’d think I’d feel like a hypocrite telling her, “No you cannot have a snack,” while eating another snack myself.

She is a beautiful little girl with an adorable figure.  I’d like to keep her that way.

Starting weight:  237.5

Today’s weight:  233

February 14th, 2011 – So yeah, I’m now 3 days out from my gastric sleeve surgery.  I gotta say, the recovery is nothing like having a C-section, but the pain is uncomfortable.  I’m bloated, so forgive me if I don’t show pictures yet, and still have my JP drain inserted into an incision on my left side.  Most of the pain comes from that, but going #2 would be awesome right now.

The hospital stay was shorter than normal, much to my now profound regret, and was filled with unreasonably good looking doctors and male nurses.  Either that or it was the drugs and boy was there a lot of drugs.  And shots.  And sleeping.  Usually shots while sleeping, which is fine with  me.  I went in early monday morning and was quickly and efficiently prepped and wheeled into the operating room.  They had given me something to relax me, but I was not prepared to see the OR and the vast sterility of it.  I was so scared out of my mind that I forgot the words to Doris Day’s song, “Que sera sera”.  I had planned on making it through the first verse:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

But I got all befuddled and then the lights went out.

Next thing I remember is someone sitting next to me, trying to call my parents who were already in the hospital, therefore no cell signal.  After that was seeing my parents after being wheeled into my 7 north tower of Madigan Hospital on Ft Lewis army base.  I remember asking my mother to hold my hand and why my father was acting all irritated.  Dad gets irritable, but we love him for it.  The next 32 or so hours were spent in a haze until they released me on Feb 15th at 5:30 pm.  My mother is home with me now and my 3 year is old is driving her crazy.  My 11 year old saw it necessary to remain an uncooperative tween, complaining about not being driven to school and not being able to wear her favorite skinny gray jeans for the 4th day in a row.

All in all, I’m uncomfortable, not really in a lot of pain, but I’m minus 4lbs already and full after drinking 1 ounce.  Do I regret doing the surgery?  Right now?  Yes.  I love food.  Love it, wanted to marry it, and have its children.  American society revolves around food.  Tv, radio, internet – I see it everywhere and still want to shove it into my mouth.  I certainly hope this gets better than choking down a 1 ounce cup of clear brother every 30 mins.  I mean, I know it will, but again – I just anxiously await to go #2. =/